What I know so far...

Kayla Grey photoshoot

January 2nd.

My New Year.

My Birthday. 

 Looking back, 2016 was very good to me. A year that broke me all the way down, just to build me right back up. Sometimes, that's just what you need.  

Heading into the last 365, I didn’t have any goals in place for my personal life. I had a page filled with things that I wanted to accomplish in my career but when it came to jotting down what I wanted to do for myself, the page was empty. I had nothing. 2016 reminded me of that blank page time and time again. I learned the importance of self-care in the worst ways.

 

Just like everyone else, I go through the motions. My method of coping was pushing all emotions to the side. Telling myself that I would deal with it all later. Later turned into never. I wanted to work. I wanted to be busy—and I was, but I would use that as my excuse for not paying any kind of attention to what was really going on inside of me.  Whatever phase I thought was passing through would just have to wait. There was no time to sit and hear myself out – I wanted to be busy. I would convince myself that taking any time off would result in me missing out on any new opportunities to work towards those career-driven goals that I wrote down.  The method worked.. until it didn’t.  I eventually  CRASHED .

I was so drained. Disconnected. Mentally exhausted, I was forced to feel …and what I was feeling was absolutely terrifying. I felt empty. Walking-dead zombie. Trying to get to a destination with all of my tires flat.  It was time to focus on the one vessel I needed the most in order to reach any kind of goal: me. I needed to revisit the blank page and write down some goals for Kayla and her well-being , despite the fact that it was  June at that time.

 

 I decided to start off with being a lot more kind to myself. I decided to be more present. I decided to make time. At least once a week, indulge. I even started to do my own nails just to force myself to be with me. The opportunities were still there and I felt way more confident taking them. I could give it my all because I was at my best. When you are at your best, you feel unstoppable. By the end of December, I did. The half-year of me.  

As I look in the mirror and think about what 2016 has taught me about myself and can't help but to feel grateful. A tough lesson I so needed. I’ve never felt more self-aware. Ready to listen and react to what it is my soul is telling me. Do I believe the balance will ever be perfect? NO.. but I have made wonderful strides mentally and I still have a ways to go. What I do know is that momentum is on my side and I plan to take full advantage in 2017. 

 

- GREY